On Being “Over-Emotional”

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If I’m not between a 3 and 7 on the emotional scale, I’m crying.” -Kristen Bell about her sloth-induced meltdown. (Click the link and watch, it’s effing hilarious).

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For as long I can remember, I’ve been told by my mother that “I’m just sensitive”. I can actually cry over spilt milk (15 years old, I dropped and broke a gallon of milk, and it did in fact make me cry). I cry when I get amazing news (like when Bernie Sanders won the Minnesota Caucus). I cry when I haven’t gotten enough sleep. I cry when I binge watch YouTube videos of dogs (specifically huskies)…. You get the idea. I’ve always been the person to cry in public or to cry in front of people who don’t know me that well. When I’m mad, the fire coming out of my ears is brighter than my red hair. Anger pushes me to the point of tears quite often. On the flip side, when I’m happy, I am the happiest person in the world. I let the sun shine out of my ass. I’ve always been very confused by myself, at one point I asked my doctor to screen me for bipolar disorder, because I’m such an emotional rollercoaster.

Being so emotional is one of my biggest insecurities, but I have absolutely no control over it. You think I would willingly cry in front of people I met a week ago? I don’t. I am constantly apologizing to those I am close to for how up-and-down I am. I am completely transparent when it comes to my emotions, and I hate it. Sometimes I wish I could toughen up and act like I’m fine. Being ‘jokingly’ asked by male friends if “it’s my time of the month” is a regular thing (Hint: It’s none of your god damn business if I am.) My older sister constantly tells me “you are the most dramatic person in the entire world”. I hear the phrase “you’re such a youngest child” very frequently. My mom talks to my godmother about one of her daughters, and says “She’s just a spirited child, like Greta. Unfortunately, that never changes.” I remember apologizing, or making fun of myself to my ex-boyfriend for being too emotional, for crying so much, for being the way I am. He would joke with me and act surprised if I didn’t cry about something he was sure I’d cry about. When I am trying so hard to tell someone the way they hurt me, but I can’t get a whole sentence out because I’m crying too hard, I ask myself… “Why do I have to be this way?

Why is being an emotional a bad thing?

Why is being emotional associated with weakness?

Why does the term “over-emotional” even exist?

Why are my feelings less valid simply because I’m more transparent about them?

Why am I seen as irrational?

After being embarrassed by being an emotional burden, being ashamed of who I am for so long. After constantly trying to make myself feel less, or feel nothing at all; I  refuse to apologize anymore for who I am. I am done belittling my own emotions. I am learning that just like every other part of myself, my feeling everything so deeply is beautiful, and it is part of me for a reason. Here are a few amazing things about being labeled as “over-emotional”:

I am never iffy about my opinion of something, I either love it or I hate it.

Sometimes my mouth hurts from smiling so much at the end of the day.

When something good happens to someone I love, I’ll be genuinely happy for them, and I will praise them into next year.

I’m not afraid to cry.

I will be the best therapist in the world (self-acclaimed).

When someone needs to talk to me about something, I’ll be eagerly listening, and I’ll be validating every feeling they have.

I am a phenomenal friend. 

I will try my hardest to empathize whatever you have going on in your life.

If you’re too sad to get mad, I’ll be more than happy to get mad for you.

Or just cry with you.

My emotional skills make me great at problem solving.

I will be your one-woman cheer squad. 

When I am in love, I’m in a big love. A deep, intense, and passionate love, to my core.

If I love someone, no matter what they have done to me, I will always love them, and want the best for them.

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